How is it that this particular elementary school has a 47-minute average wait time in the pickup lane, but certain dads are showing up 55 minutes early? Every single day. Rain, sleet, whatever. The school secretary has started keeping a tally.

Her stepkids get picked up at 3:15. The unofficial fan club arrives at 2:20. The group chat renamed itself "school logistics" and absolutely nobody is talking about logistics. Slide 3 is where this gets genuinely embarrassing.